The shelling had ceased for now. The silence was almost harder to bear on this clear spring night. A ‘no smoking’ order was in effect as the boys moved some ammunition and bazookas around the compound.
Lilly opened the door when Axel went by.
“Could we talk later?”
“I’ll be here,” said Axel.
They crouched behind the galley by the scruffy weed bush that had struggled into full leaf, asserting its seasonal right.
Axel looked at the clear, starry night sky for a long time.
“I wonder whether they’ll ever find the answers,” he said.
“Answers to?”
“The mystery of creation, the universe.”
Lilly covered her face with her hands.
“This is going to be difficult, Axel,” she began, and that fold appeared between his eyes.
“I want to talk with you about the, this end of the war.”
Axel raised both hands. “Let’s not.”
“PLEASE, let me finish, please Axel. We — Anna and I think there’s no longer any sense in this, this operation now.”
“Lilly, let’s not have this argument. Let’s just sit here and save our energy for—”
“Sshhhhh, Axel. Come home with us. We can help to hide a lot of you. Anna’s found a shed in the cemetery, and my Aunt—”
“Are you mad? How do you propose to make a hundred and thirty-seven boys disappear! It won’t happen, Lilly. No one will come. It’s too late — and do you really expect us to behave like those adults? Do you? If I survive this, it won’t be in role as deserter.”
“Axel! Hitler is finished. It’s over. There has to be some hope for the future.”
“That’s what I’m talking about. There will never be a life with honour, with dignity again. It’s been forfeited. Things have been done, the crimes committed—”
“Yes, I know, but we’ll have to get over the rage, the revenge talk and forgive them. It was war.”
“No, you don’t hear me. Not THEM. OUR side. Most people don’t have this information — not yet. Crimes on this side, unimaginable. We can’t survive with honour because Hitler saw to it —” He stopped.
Lilly was shaking. She pressed her hands together.
“I don’t know what you mean, Axel, but no matter — you’re just seventeen years old, Axel.”
“Yes, as of last week, as you heard.”
“Did YOU commit crimes, did any of these boys? Did they? And did they, or for that matter, did their Dads get any say in what went on in this war? Did anybody EVER ask for your opinion on anything? Did you get a vote?”
“Lilly. Listen to me, it’s too late. Maybe we’re guilty precisely because we DIDN’T do anything. Someone who watches another drown and does nothing - had we won the war, WE would have benefited, or not? There’s no alternative. Trust me. Time to go.” And then he got up and walked away.